HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR FOMO ADDICTION

Picture source: Pinterest

Welcome back to blog💕. Y’all the real mvps. So guys, I recently added ‘audio painter’ to my very many audio talents 😁. That being said, let me paint a picture for you. It’s getting late in the evening, but you’re feeling restless. You want to unwind after a long day of just existing and you, like billions of other people, choose to unwind by casually perusing through your Instagram or Facebook feed when you’re overcome by an all-too-familiar sensation. You see a friend has uploaded amazing pictures from a night out at a great place. Probably somewhere you’ve had fantasies about. As you scroll through countless stories of your friends doing fun and impressive things, your restlessness continues to build.

The emotions you feel at that time are hard to describe, but it feels like a very weird combination of exclusion, self-loathing, and envy. It’s an utterly empty feeling, and it’s becoming increasingly more common among social media users, especially in this day and age. The social media phenomenon is known as the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. Mental health experts have become more concerned with this phenomenon because of its power to dominate the mental health of those on the outside looking in. Like you. Like me.

Picture source: Google images

FOMO probably sounds funny when it rolls off your tongue. But it’s no joke. FOMO is a mental condition that is more common than we think. Sit down, let me drop some much needed wisdom on you. You’re welcome 😁. Okay, so the use of the term FOMO is relatively new but the effects have long been in exisitence. The acronym FOMO was officially added into the Oxford dictionary in 2013.


FOMO happens to me on a daily basis. It also happens to you. If we are honest with ourselves, we would admit that FOMO affects us in varying degrees every freaking day. It might not have degenerated into a mental condition, but you exhibit symptoms of FOMO.

Whenever i routinely scroll through my Instagram, or Facebook feed, I see photos and status updates about people doing things: posting pictures in the best destinations in the world with captions like “to travel is to live”, brunching at the newest hotspots, or sipping expensive sturvs on an exotic beach, and all with perfectly filtered photographic evidence to show for it. Thanks to the beauty of social media(sarcasm was very much intended😊), the lives of these friends’ have somehow become part of my own life. It often stirs a nervy feeling inside me, and I sometimes catch myself thinking “Why am I not doing those things?” That FOMO mentality can keep one glued to the computer screen for hours, when that time could be allocated to more meaningful and productive work away from the refresh button.

The more we become glued to the lives of others, the more we begin to doubt ourselves and our priorities. We start wondering why our social and personal lives aren’t as ‘popping’ and ‘lit’ as the lives of others, and how exactly we can achieve that elusive balance of living a productive, covetable, and vigorous life, all while remaining sane.

Picture source: PlusLexia.com

FOMO was coined to describe that anxious feeling that can arise when you feel there is a more exciting prospect that is happening elsewhere — and unfortunately, you’re not there. This generation seems to be under unhealthy pressure to live a certain way and have a certain standard with picture evidence to show for it. The bulk of this pressure mostly comes from social media. I dare say that’s one of the major reasons why young people commit suicide. It’s crazy. The pressure is real. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to live with FOMO.

Although it’s not a one-time fix, you can beat your FOMO and stay winning with these simple tips:

  • Admit you have a problem

That’s ultimately the first step in overcoming any problem, illness, addiction. Admit it. I’m not saying be all negative and beat yourself up because you are afflicted or challeneged. I mean be honest with yourself. In fact, say along with me: “I cannot be everywhere at all times and i cannot always be doing the craziest and most fun things ever. And that’s OK because i don’t have to.” Feel better? Sure you do😁. Admitting and accepting that you have anxiety is literally freeing. It’s almost like a huge weight has been taken off your shoulders. I talk about my battles with anxiety, fear and other issues in almost every post i make. It’s my way of freeing myself after ingesting toxicity throughout my day or week. When you acknowledge your insecurity, you can tackle the problem head first.

  • Tune out the noise

For the love of everything you hold dear, turn off your phone! I don’t mean all day, but learn how to go without using that little device for a couple hours. Learn to redo your mornings without your eyes and mind glued to Facebook or Instagram. It may not really be viable to deactivate your social media accounts( i made a post on how to do a social media detox), but learn to limit your phone activity. There’s a therapy called CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) and the therapy profers a technique in limiting screen time; set aside a certain time of day to check all your social media apps. For example, as a student in the uni, my lecture times are 8am to about 4pm Monday through to Thurday, give or take (crazy i know) and it takes me about 40mins to an hour to get home(depending on how the god of traffic is feeling that day lol). I could limit my screen-time to the 40mins or one hour i spend on the bus ride home. Maybe you’re not a student and you have a 9-5 job, and you take the bus home from work every day from 5:30 to 6:10 pm or more. You can use that time to go through your social media accounts. It could also be a couple of minutes or a few hours at night. You could make this your one and only time of day to check your accounts. Just find a time of day that complements your schedule for you to catch up with Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and stick to it.

  • Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a therapeutic technique. It refers to a non-judgmental awareness or observation that is focused on your present experience. Here are some simple mindfulness exercises to help relax when you feel overwhelmed by the sensations caused by FOMO:

  • Pay attention. It’s not the easiest of things to slow down and notice little things in this busy world. But it’s a great way to be mindful.
  • Escape the fast-paced world of social media by embracing time away from social media.
  • Accept yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend or loved one. Find solace in your life.
  • Focus on your breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

Mindfulness advocates for singularity of focus. Rather than multitasking or hurrying up a task to get on to the next one, appreciate your current state of being. My middle name used to be ‘multitask Naya’. I could literally be doing a ton of things at a time. I felt it was a superpower and i was cheating time. Well, It wasn’t. I wasn’t. It only made me develop “the habit of hurrying”. I was running against time but going nowhere and working myself up in the process. Mindfulness can help you enjoy where you are and what you’re doing rather than worrying about what could be that isn’t.

In the Good Book, God tells us the singular factor that causes us, His people, to perish. Lack of knowledge. If after reading this piece, you come to the realisation that you have FOMO, don’t feel bad because now you can put a name to the ‘condition’ and you can use the tips I’ve shared to beat it. You got this 💪.

Sending much love and light your way💕.

‘Till my next post….stay beYOUtiful😙😙

GET TO KNOW ME: THE FACE BEHIND RELATABLESIS

Hallo Leute und willkommen zurück in meinem Blog( little German for you😗😗). Allow me to translate; hello guys and welcome to my blog .

So i decided to do something different today. I know i usually post ‘mental positivity’ content, and that would continue subsequently. Today, in the spirit of TGIF😊, i am going to be answering some FAQs (frequently asked questions) about myself.

Let’s get right into it people!!!!

Q: What’s your full name?

A: My name is Okafor Ifunanyachukwu Anwulichukwuka Obianuju Gift.

Q: What state are you from ?

A: I’m a bit of hybrid😁. My dad is from Anam in Anambra State (so i am from Anambra State), but my mom was from Owerri in Imo state. I say was ’cause she’s late.


Q: Favorite food ?

A: My favourite food is Rice and Ofe Aku. I love it ! Another favourite is pounded yam and ofe nsala with gizzard and chicken🙃.

Q: Favourite movie genre?
A: I love watching horror movies, comedies, suspenseful and thriller movies for sure.

Q: What talents do you have?
A: LOL truth be told i ask myself this question a lot actually. I know God gave everyone talents so i wouldn’t say i don’t have any. If public speaking and doing really well in school were talents then i guess those would be my talents 😊😊😊

Q: What made you start RelatableSis ?

A: I saw RelabaleSis as a means through which i could express my pent up emotions and thoughts. I wanted to overcome my fear of literally everything by doing something. Anything. And i was divinely inspired to create a blog where i could share my struggles and also my growth.

Q: What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?
A: Hmm. I think that would be the time i preached in front of a packed auditorium at a pastoral competition. It was a competition for the teenagers and pre-teens in all Province 13 Redeemed Christian churches. It was especially scarry because I’m not a competitive person and i had to compete against a lot of other children. But i won and i was an honorary Children Pastor for a whole year. Halleluyah somebody 🙌🙌

Q: What’s your favourite colour ?
A: Black. I love black coloured clothes, black nails, black shoes etc.

Q: What are some of your pet peeves ?
A:
I don’t people who are prideful. People who look unkempt. I especially do not like people who spell ‘I’m’ as ‘am’. Stop it already !

Q: How would you describe your style?
A:
I would describe my style as ‘comfy casual’. I wear a lot of trousers and shirts with trainers or flats.

Q: Why did you cut your hair and how long have you been rocking a low cut ?
A: There’s actually a very deep story behind why i cut my hair (and i would blog about it). But for the purposes of this Q&A I’ll just say i desperately needed a change. I have rocked my lowcut for about six months now.

Q: How many colours have you dyed your hair?
A: So far, I’ve dyed my hair two colours. I’ve been a blonde and brunette. I definitely would like to try other colours.

Q: How tall are you?

A: I am 5ft 2inches

That’s it for my very first Q&A💃💃💃. I hope you enjoyed it. Yes! That’s all we are sharing for now. Trust me, I intend to share more. I hope you feel closer to me now that you know these little facts about me.

Let me know in the comments if you would want more Q&As to be featured on this blog. Also, before you run along, let me know, also in the comments, one thing about you. It could be anything, something you’re really good at or something you love or hate doing.

‘Till my next post….stay beYOUtiful😚😚

Social Media Detox: Why and How to Detox

picture source: google images

When was the last time you went a full day, morning till night, without checking social media? Not necessarily checking your phone, just checking social media? If Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc just stopped to exist, would you feel empty, unhappy and depressed? Has social media become an addiction for you?

For a really long time I was a social media addict. I couldn’t go a couple of minutes without checking my Facebook or Instagram account (I was never really a Twitter person). It was crazy how controlled I was by social media. And the more I delved deeper and deeper into this addiction, the more I lost sight of who I truly was. I was wrapped up in the ‘perfectness’ of social media that when I snapped back to reality, I was met with sadness, disappointment and contempt.

In a bid to make this post as relatable as possible, I carried out a survey. I asked people what they felt about social media addiction and if they were open to detox. More than 90% of the survey participants affirmed that they indeed have or had a social media addiction. One participant had this to say:

It was like my whole life depended on social media. It became my comfort zone. Everytime I check my social media feed, it’s like I’m whisked away from reality. I tried so hard to be like the influencers and celebrities I followed. I wanted their lives.

Another participant said:

social media was the place where I got to compare and contrast my life’s worth with that of other people. I became an increasingly judgemental person. Never satisfied with my family. My relationship with my boyfriend. My relationship with my friends. Social media addiction ate into my very being. My soul.

Social media can be a good thing, and believe me, the last thing I want to do is to ‘demonize’ social media. I believe social media is quite useful and helpful. But too much of everything is bad, even if it’s a good thing.

The very nature of social media addiction is tied to the chemical dopamine.

Many people believe dopamine has everything to do with pleasure. This is not entirely true. During the course of my reseach, i found out that the dopamine system has more to do with anticipation and motivation than it does with pleasure. Dopamine makes you feel like you want something. What it does is, it shifts you into a reward-seeking mindset. This mindset compels you to act. When you act to satiate that desire, the brain releases endorphins(LOL stick with me now, It’s all going to make sense…..eventually), which are pleasurable and rewarding.

 The instant gratification we get from social media keeps us hooked. But it’s never really a complete and fulfilling gratification, is It?. We are never fully satisfied, and so we feel compelled to keep going back for more. It happens to the best of us. As you immerse yourself in dopamine-triggering stimuli, your brain begins to anticipate them even before they happen. Do you ever feel like you hear your phone’s notifications go off? Like you just got a new Facebook alert? And when you check, you realize it was all in your head. The dopamine triggering stimuli in your brain also causes you to sometimes feel “social media withdrawal” — a compulsive need to check social media if you’ve gone too long (or if you think you’ve gone too long) without any dopamine triggers.

picture source: google images

First, it starts with you creating a Facebook or Instagram account that you might check once a week. Soon after, once a week turns to twice weekly, then every four days, before you know It, you can’t see yourself going at least 15-20 minutes without checking Facebook or any other social media app. Now you’re constantly hit with notifications from your social media apps multiple times per hour. Your brain’s dopamine system strengthens, requiring more and more stimulation for less and less reward. Eventually you’re waking up in the middle of the night to check if you’ve received any new retweets, likes, views, messages, reposts or follows, and the first thing you do every morning is to check your phone for notifications.

I will admit, I’ve been guilty of checking my phone for new dms or notifications every morning before i get out of bed. I had to create a law for myself. Once I wake up, I spend the first 10-15 minutes with God. I would read a scripture, worship or just pray and say goodmorning to Him. Once I’m done exhausting that 10-15 minutes, I could pick up my phone and check social media. You could adopt this too.

New vocabulary alert !! Have you ever heard of phubbing?🙄 It was coined from phone + snubbing. It’s when you ignore the people around you because you’re so fixated on your phones. I personally believe social media causes about 80% to 90% of such fixation because most times when we check our phones, we are usually checking in on our social media accounts. True or True?🙃🙃. Let’s face It, we are all guilty of phubbing at one point or the other. Social media is great ! I know I said that before, I just want to reiterate. But social media addiction has taken us away from those around us. We are physically present but absent in the mind and emotion whenever we fixate on social media.

The Benefits of a Social Media Detox

You might say, so what if I’m addicted to social media? It’s not like I’m addicted to heroine or recreational drugs. I still make good grades and carry out my responsibilities just fine. That might be true, but what about the quality of your life? Social media addiction is detrimental in ways that go beyond what we see with our phsyical eyes. One very important thing to note is that social media protrays a false reality. People selectively post what they want others to see. We all do this. You post your best pictures in the fanciest of places. The whole concept of social media  allows everyone to flaunt their good sides while hiding their bad ones, because truth is, everybody has bad sides. Everyone has struggles. Nobody’s profile truly reflects who they are as a person — it’s all filtered and sterilized(some more sterilized and filtered than others). Unfortunately, we tend to forget this. I forget this ever so often, and we can fall into despair when we can’t seem to keep up with the supposed lives of our friends and followers, even to the point of depression.

Here’s another thing, social media encouraged narcissism. Yes it does indeed. The very concept of social media is narcissistic. One of the biggest rewards in social media is when you make a post and somebody likes it or you have so many views on a video. We get such a self-esteem boost when we post pictures and get likes and comments. On Reddit, it’s upvotes. On Twitter, it’s retweets. It’s all about your own satisfaction and gratification, and as you strive for more and more likes, you can get swallowed up in yourself and your social media environment.

Social media sucks up time. A visit to Instagram or Facebook can turn into two hours of mindless browsing. Checking Facebook or Twitter may only take a few minutes, but if you check several times an hour, that can add up to a lot of wasted time. What if you spent that time on something else, like a creative hobby, or personal growth? I know, I know, it’s easier said than done, and I don’t argue with that logic, but little mindful and intentional efforts here and there would make detoxifying oneself from social media attainable. Now, I know there are people who use social media for work. I am not saying you’re wrong for that. No. I’m saying mindless and unnecessary use of social media is toxic.

I remember when I was so addicted to social media to the point it crippled me. I had a lot of negative thoughts, I was hardly ever happy because i made my social media environment more real than my actual environment. I made it more real than God in my life. I was drowning. And the saddest part was i actually liked it. I alsmost didnt mind the fact that i clearly couldn’t do without social media( or so i thought). If you can relate to social media addiction, don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s good news! Halleluyah! The good news is social media detox can get you away from all of these negatives, you know, the utter dependence on social media to fill in the void in our lives only God can, the use of social media as a cheap drug for momentary joy when true and lasting joy comes from God (Romans 15:13).

Let me put this out there, a detox doesn’t have to be a permanent thing — it just has to be done long enough to rewire your brain and break you out of the endless dopamine cycle. Easy peasy, lemon squeezey😊. You can always come back later. So if you think I’m asking you to say goodbye to good old social media, perish the thought!!😁.

Let’s get to the fun and practical part of this post, which is how to do a social media detox! Yeah!

How to Do a Social Media Detox

Picture source: thesocialclinic

Truth is, starting a detox is easy. The challenge is sticking with it. Consistency is key.

Despite the involvement of dopamine(remember, the ‘sciency‘ stuff I talked about earlier), social media addiction is a psychological addiction (much like video game addiction). Substance-related addictions sometimes need gradual weaning due to issues of physical withdrawal, but psychological ones are best dealt with upfront, immediately and with a straightforward approach.

You need to stop rewarding your current dopamine triggers so that your brain can return to normal. But you cannot achieve this if you continue to indulge yourself.

Here are some simple steps you can follow if you’re interested (i hope you are) in embarking on a social media detox:

  • Deactivate your accounts. Before you run away in retreat, hear me out. Right off the bat it might seem impossible to do this. It isn’t though. The very first time I went on a social media detox wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t as hard as you would think. I deactived my Facebook and Instagram apps for months. It was hard getting used to at first, but humans are bundles of adaptation. My mind caught on, eventually. With time i got used to going the whole day without my usual check-in on social media. I felt in control of my mind and freewill. Deactivating your accounts will serve as a barrier against you checking in on a whim, and it will also serve as a signal to your friends that you’re on a detox. But if you don’t want to deactivate just yet, here’s another thing you could do, you could place yourself on a ‘social media schedule‘. But this will be difficult, especially if you haven’t gone on a social media detox before. You could decide to only check in on social media for a particular period of time. Maybe you could decide no social media till 7pm and no social media after 10pm. I used this method for my WhatsApp account, as WhatsApp accounts can’t be deactivated. You could try putting yourself on a schedule. But you need to be really strong-willed to pull this off as opposed to deactivating your accounts. Get yourself an accountability partner if you have to. It’s for a good cause😁.
  • Uninstall all social media apps. Sounds worse than the first step huh ? LOL. The pros of this step is that it will eliminate all of those notifications and alerts that play such a pivotal role in social media addiction. And you won’t be as likely to pop one of those apps open in moments when you are bored (trust me, you would have many of such moments). But if you can’t bring yourself to doing this, that is deactivating your social media accounts for a while, although I strongly advise you do, stick to step 1.
  • Replace social media with an activity. Cultivate a creative hubby, learn a still, perfect a skill you’re already good at. This will help reduce the craving to fill the void you feel with social media.

How long should the detox last? 

You might ask, how long exactly would this ‘social media detox’ last? Most behavioural experts believe it takes about three months (or 100 days) for dopamine levels to return to normal. It may take longer depending on how long and how intensely you’ve been addicted, so don’t be surprised if it takes you more than 3 months to fully recover from social media addiction. But that shouldn’t discourage you. You got this!

You don’t have to embark on social media detox right away if you don’t feel ready. No pressure. But when you search yourself and realise you need a break from the madness, take that plunge and detox !

Would you try or have you ever tried a social media detox before???

‘Till my next post……stay beYOUtiful😚😚

The Comparison Trap

One of my favorite quotes is “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

The temptation to compare in this day and age is rife and I know a lot of you can relate. The comparison trap is as close to you as your next chat with a friend or relative, or your usual perusal of social media. And whether, after your comparison, you come out on top or come up wanting, there is simply no win in comparison. It’s a trap. I repeat. It’s a trap!

My first attempt at gaining admission into the Varsity ended in tears 😥😥. I wasn’t that disturbed tho, because my mates who also tried to get it failed. So, as far as comparison went, I was not a failure.

My second try was completely different. I shuffled between preppn’ for the exams and working with my dad in his business centre in Lagos, while my mates had the luxury of going for lessons or just staying in the comfort of their homes (for the very first time I truly understood the concept of imbalance and unfairness in the world). Well this time around, my mates got into private universities. I felt bad because my dad didn’t have the capacity to send me to a private university. I blamed myself for not being able to get into the university…again. When I compared myself to my mates that got in, I felt defeated. I failed. I felt a crippling sense of disappointment. And it sucked.

Fast forward to when I finally got admitted on my third attempt and started reconnecting with friends from my past, I noticed that I might have been comparing myself (no, I definitely am) to them to see if I’ve held up as well as they did over the years! FOR SHAME NAYA, FOR SHAME!

I used to (and still catch myself from time to time) compare where I was to where someone else was all the time.  I would compare their skill set to mine and theirs always seemed so much better. I know it’s not the easiest of things to talk about. Quite frankly, admitting to yourself that the comparison trap has gotten you on several occasions is downright embarrassing, but empowering.

Comparison is linked to competition and since I’m not very competitive(scratch that, I’m not competitive at all. Sometimes I feel I’m not even as “ambitious” as I should be), I would just retreat. Ever so often I would feed myself with negative talk to justify my falling into the comparison trap:

“I’m so far behind, I will never be able to catch up or do something truly meaningful.  So what is the point of even trying?!.”

“Just give up now and save yourself the stress Naya.”

“Wow things are really happening for her and I just can’t seem to catch a break. I can’t seem to get anything going for me. I’m lost. Broken. Directionless“.

I will never be able to start up my own business, discover my “side hustle”, write a book. What do I have to say or do that someone else hasn’t said or done a million times already.”

And then I would want to give up and accept mediocrity.  The root was that I had low self-worth and low self-esteem (I would make a post on why this is).  Watching and comparing myself to others was a great way to look at the outside so I didn’t have to look on the inside. 

But then I realized that comparison sucked.  Literally. 

It sucked all of the energy, all of the joy, and all of the excitement right out of me! I felt drained and unworthy all the time.

I stopped following people online that made me feel bad. I felt uninspired and negatively influenced by social media “influencers” with perfect lives and self image. I was hypnotized by my media environment. The few people that really know me know that I take periodical hiatus from social media to avoid hurting my soul and drowning myself in self doubt and self pity because social media has a way of stealing bits and pieces of my peace of mind and self esteem . Okay, I’m pretty sure some of y’all are like “relax sis….its never that serious”. Actually, for me, it kinda is.

Here’s the thing about social media, we all show the world that which we want them to see, and the beauty is that we get to decide if we want to see what that person is sharing or not. 

I’ve decided to start follow accounts that inspire me to strive to be my best self, to make God the centre of my universe, to improve my mental health, to appreciate nature and help save it. 

Melissa Ambrosini says that “we are all worthy, we are all here to share a message, and we are all here to serve.” I realize now that I am not an accident.  In fact, no one is. I also realize that I’m really not in any competition with anyone and I should remind myself of this subtle truth every day.

I’m far from fully overcoming the comparison trap, but I’m making concerted efforts to catch myself each time I’m tempted to compare myself with the next person and to remind myself of God’s promises . Truth is all it takes are intentional ‘baby steps’ to move past always comparing yourself to others. Remember, no one can be like you and that’s your super power. Let that sink in 💕.

Guys, let me know in the comments if you have struggled with the comparison trap and how it’s been for you dealing with it.

‘Til my next post….. stay beYOUtiful😗😗.

Here goes nothing; here goes everything

Hey sistas x

Welcome to my little corner on the internet !!😁😁. So I started a blog yayyyy(relax Naya…no pressure😥). Starting this blog has been in the pipeline for me for a long time. I literally had to push myself despite my fears and concerns to start this blog. Thank you Jesus !

Let’s face it, the internet and social media presents a perfect, flawless, put together life of people and we ordinary folks can hardly relate to such perfection. Well i say screw pretending to be perfect when you actually go through REAL struggles and having someone you can relate to is theraphy in and of itself. One way I deal with all the negativity and stress is to remind myself that I am human and that God made me this way for a reason, and I remind myself to keep persevering. Hence, I’m not perfect and it’s okay.

RelatableSis is a faith + lifestyle blog where I get to share my super relatable christian experiences and basically my growth process as a college student living in Nigeria, my love for photography and everything in between. It’s basically a tell-all blog.

I’m incredibly psyched to embark on this journey of growth !!!

‘Til my next post… stay beYOUtiful😍😍